Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
