dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
