So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
