Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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