i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
