I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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