don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
