why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
