When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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