someone threw a dead crab at me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
