I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I puked a lego.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
