so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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