hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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