Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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