Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
