dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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