I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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