I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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