I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
