I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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