forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
