Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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