hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
