I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
