I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
