God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
