No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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