he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
