He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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