omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
