he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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