We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
