It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
