I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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