Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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