I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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