I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
