Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
