i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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