one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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