the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
