We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
