So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
