no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
