You smell like stripper and shame
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
