Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
