if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
