how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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