so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
