they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
